Happy Birthday dad...

Today my dad, Praxedis Sotelo Zuniga, would have been 88 years old.  He's been gone 9 years now.  I can't believe it's been that long.  I miss him... 

When I woke up this morning, I was feeling a little blue.  The biggest event of my year was this past weekend and it was thankfully, a big success.  I took Sunday to recoup and do practically nothing and then worked on event wrap-up part of the today.  I thought I would take part of the day and spend with my mother but she had already made plans so I didn't push.  But after that conversation with her, I noticed a sadness coming over me.  I had already been crying this morning.  It was weird...I created a photo video for a friend of her birthday celebration last week where she honored her cancer doctors and raised a ton of money for cancer research.  I posted it on facebook last night and had a watched it several times until I got it just the way I wanted it.  So, it's not like I hadn't seen it!  But when I watched it and read all the comments, I tears started to fall...

Shortly after, I made my way to the memorial gardens where dad is.  I took my camera to take pictures of the grounds since it's been a while since I was there.  There were old plastic flowers by the "boulder" - as we call it - where dad's cremains are, and I pulled out then out and discarded them.  I left the plastic cone that held the flowers and filled it with fallen leaves so it wouldn't look odd.  On the way to the gardens, I stopped to buy a Virgen de Guadalupe candle to place next to the boulder.  When I was cleaning up around the boulder there was a naturally made cross that was on the rock.  I don't know how it got there - who left it - but I moved it over on top of dad's name plate. 

Then I had a little chat with dad.  I wish he had lived long enough to see the first Fiesta event in 2003.  I always wonder what he would have thought about it.  I would have liked to have seen him walk around and experience the event.  In his heyday, when he took photos, I wonder what he would have captured about the event - what he would have focused on and how many pictures he would have taken.  I'm sure I would have given him a run for his money on that one!  But really...he had such an eye for detail and beauty in his photos so I would have enjoyed seeing the event through his eyes.

I left after a short chat with dad and I was crying again.  But I was remembering some of the funny things about dad - things that he would say - "dadism" if you will and I was laughing too. 

I miss you dad...

Tale as old as time...

There's a scene in the animated movie "Beauty and the Beast" where the beast and Belle are dancing in the ballroom.  Angela Lansbury is singing "tale as old as time" and Belle is twirling on the dancefloor with the help of her partner - the Beast.  A commercial for the re-release of this Disney animated video came on TV the night before last and I "knew" it was on but wasn't really paying much attention to it...

Eddie said to me..."that was your favorite part."

Me:  "what?"

Eddie:  "of the movie - you always liked that part where Belle's dress twirls around."

Me:  (smiling) "yep"

How did Eddie remember this?  I had to think for a minute before remembering all this myself.  But he's right about it...there was always something about the animation and the way the gown flowed that I loved to watch.  And believe me, we watched that movie a lot!  It was a favorite of Anna Marie.  I just wonder what made him remember this particular little fact from the past. 

I have this black ballroom type gown that I've always loved.  I can't get into it right now!...but maybe again one day.  Anyway, it's one of those dresses that flows and when you dance it swirls and just makes you feel beautiful.  We went to the Heart Ball a while back at Vestavia Country Club and I got on the dance floor later in the evening and just twirled and twirled.  Sure, I'd had a little wine but felt perfectly fine.  Eddie kept telling me to stop twirling but I just couldn't...I was hooked on twirling that night!   And the way the dress shifted when I would suddently stop and start twirling the other direction.  Maybe he was remembering that night too when he saw the Beauty and the Beast commercial.  I don't know...

What makes us remember certain things about people, places and things?  That is always fascinating to me.  I mean, you have four sisters in a family experiencing the same thing and we all have different recollections of the same incident.  Everyone's focus is on something different, other details and what not.  I guess that's why it's good to pool your memories and share them with one another.

I remember after my dad died and me and two of my sisters were going through drawers in my parent's garage.  There were a number of things in one drawer that belonged to dad.  One item was a dark blue hankerchief with a few small white stripes.  I remember that hankerchief so well...  We were living in Puerto Rico at the time.  I had a cold and was sniffling in the car on our way to school.   Dad would drive us every day because there was no bus system there.  I must have been pretty miserable and dad handed me that hankerchief to take to school with me that day.  After that, whenever I needed a hankerchief, that was the one I would use.  I hadn't seen it in years when it turned up in that box in the garage with a bunch of others.  Now, it could have very easily been scooped up with other generic type items and shipped off to Goodwill.  But lucky for me, I saw it there...briefly shared the story with my sisters and then tucked it away in my purse to take home with me.  They had no idea...and even though they were happy to see items that belonged to my dad in that box, simply because they belonged to dad and they knew he had used them...I was fortunate enough to remember something specific about one of the items.

The hankerchief is in the family room cabinet with dad's rosary and next to a picture of him in his T-bird car.  The black ballroom gown is in the front closet in the foyer.  The memories are tucked away in my head and now written in this blog.  I want to get more of these memories down on paper.  I also want to know what memories are in Eddie's head...his memory is always so much better than mine too...

Another short detour...

A funny thing happened on the way to the weekend....I ended up needing a massage and a heating pad.  So much for the list of things to get done today...once again put on the back burner.  Combine that with taking a Claritin tablet last night...I don't know about those meds.  I always end up feeling worse the next day.  Groggy and not quite up to speed. 

I was getting out of the car yesterday after work and I suddenly felt a pain shoot across my left shoulder-blade and up my neck.  What fun...we were getting ready to go see Emily's opening night of her musical and it just slowed me down a bit.  When I woke up this morning it was not only achy and more painful but my head and eyes felt swollen and I couldn't really turn my head too far left.  I was lucky enough to get a massage appointment around 11 then...

The massage therapist was excellent.  She really talked to me about what was hurting, etc.  I can't remember anyone really working all the pressure points up and down my neck.  People always hear you say you are having a masssage and say to you "oh that feels so good!"  In this case, it really didn't.  It didn't even "hurt so good" as I've said before.  I mean those pressure points are sore already and then add the constant pressure she was adding...OUCH!  The therapist told me the base of my neck is pretty knotted up on the left side.  No wonder it hurt so bad!  She told me to use heat when I got home and that I would be sore but should feel better tomorrow.

At this point I've been on heat off and on most of the day.  It took awhile to get comfortable on the couch.  Of course, my pup Lucy had to get right up there with me.  She's sitting on the cushion right now while I watch a movie and write.  All the "stuff" swirling in my head all afternoon has finally slowed down a bit.  Thankfully.  I did want to get some paperwork (always paperwork) done, my car cleaned out of paperwork - geez...in an age of computers and laptops where does all the paperwork come from?  It just grows and grows...

I wanted to see Emily's musical again tonight.  I was going to go help at the theatre and be there.  The show was amazing last night.  I can't believe what this theatre company was able to do in a very short period of time with young people.  The opening number alone was worth the price of admission.  I have to say that between this performance and last year's performance of High School Musical II, Emily has really grown and looks so seasoned.  I was so proud watching her last night on stage.  She is really loving musical theatre and she just shines when she is on stage.  I'll be there to see her tomorrow and get chillbumps as I watch her perform.

Right now I'm wishing I were still on medical leave so I could just keep that clear mindset and write or read or even work on photography.  Right now I feel so far away from that goal of the photography business.  I know once one major event I have the end October is over I'll have time to breathe more and get back to that "clear mind" feeling that I loved so much back in May.  Now I "know" what it feels like and I want to get that feeling back.

But for now better to get some rest and what not before the new week starts because these next few weeks are going to be doozies...

And that's when I "Snapped"

I was at Target this evening and there was a t-shirt with a camera on it with the saying..."and that's when I snapped!"  I thought that was funny...and meaningful!

There have been a few things that have happened lately that lead me to believe that my "second" career(photography) is beckoning me..."come on over....snap to it...don't be negative..."  Okay..those were pretty corny but it's late and I'm tired as I write this...

I've been finding more and more photography blogs and websites and bookmarking them.  I found one the other night on facebook that just fascinated me because the woman is from Atlanta and she's Hispanic.  She has three kids and has some beautiful shots of her kids.  In fact, she in halfway through a year long project where she is taking a photo a day and telling a story of her kids.  I've seen this done before - the 365 photo project theme - but this one is just different.  I'm so drawn in by her photos and the stories they tell.  I am just wanting to devour her website and see what I can learn from her.  Of course, I need the time to do this so I'm just getting it in small doses and pieces. 

Meanwhile, another photographer on facebook - in Birmingham - has just offered a second day long workshop with another photographer where they bring would-be photogs together to talk, exchange ideas and then photograph children and a newborn.  The workshop they just had was well attended according to the pictures online and cost $500.  The one they are offering in February has gone up $25.  Not sure why there change in such a short period of time but regardless, I was excited to see something like this offered locally!  I would love to be a part of one but I know the Feb date is not a good one for me.  And the cost... I'm not sure if this is a good price for something like this or not.  I have to do a little more research into that for sure.

Another part of me is a bit scared to take part in something like this for stupid reasons.  For one, when I saw the photos of the women in the first workshop, they had some amazing camera equipment on them.  I was a bit envious and intimidated, to say the least.  Another reason is that I'm not that up to speed with flash and lighting and shooting manually.  I think you need to have a better understanding of that so you don't go into something like this and feel like you've wasted your investment.  Nothing worse than going into something where "language" is used and you have no clue.  So, it would probably be best to take a class to learn all the bells and whistles on MY camera before setting out to participate in a workshop like this.

At any rate, it's good to know workshops like this are out there and going on...I really need to work that into my schedule soon. 

Miguel and I had a good conversation last week about the photography business we want to start.  He said we need to set some dates and goals or we will never do this.  He's right.  He, of course, if about to have child number two in October and then we get into the holiday season.  Not the best time to get something like this started so we've made a pledge to move on this the first part of 2011. 

Of course, that doesn't mean we can't take a few opportunities as they come along to us.  I've been asked to take photos at an event in September.  I'm sure this would be for free but it's an opportunity nonetheless and it wouldn't hurt to be seen with the camera in a room full of people I know.  And...I've begun taking my camera everywhere I go anyway so what's the harm.  I'm also looking forward to taking photos of Miguel's newborn.  That will be a new experience.  I'm sure he'll be all over that subject too!  And he wants me to take his family photo for their Christmas card like I did last year.  I need him to take ours this year too.  We never got around to it last year - or rather - we never had time last year!  My family is harder to round up than his!

The biggest need right now is getting a better flash for my camera.  Guess I'll be doing a search tomorrow to see what I can find.  And I really want to try creating a 365 photo blog and see where I can go with that...  Now I just need a catchy title...or not...

Emergency Room Adventure

My entire week (last week) was a roller coaster ride of sorts.  I never felt like I was able to finish much and at times every step forward was met with a few steps backwards.  Too many situations/circumstances to mention at the moment and when you get right down to it and what happened on Friday afternoon, it all seems meaningless...let me explain...

I arranged my day to leave around 1 to run a quick errand and then pick up mother and take her to the airport by 2:30 for her flight to Chicago to visit my sister and her family.  As I got into my car I listened to a message from a missed call.  It was the nurse at the high school saying she had Emily in with her and asked me to call her back.  She told me Emily's heart had been racing for about 20 minutes at about 160-180 bpm.  She said Em was calm and not upset or anything and they were trying to bring it down but not having much luck.  She said the next step would be to call the paramedics and see what they could do to help the situation.  I talked to Em and she seemed normal/fine - not excited about it so I wasn't too worried at that point.  I told the nurse I would have the cell phone with me and would wait to hear back on what the paramedics reported. 

Just a few minutes later, one of the paramedics called me and said they thought it would be a good idea to take her on in to the hospital through emergency.  Her heart rate was at 200 bpm so they were making preparations to take her wherever I wanted her to go.  I said St. Vincents since her pediatrician is there.  I was driving that way as we spoke so I said I would go and wait for them to arrive.  Meanwhile, I had a missed call from husby and we finally connected.  He had been contacted too by the nurse and already knew what was going on but didn't know they were about to take Em to the hospital. 

As soon as I pulled into the parking lot at St. Vs...got another call from the medic saying St Vs said to take her directly to Childrens Hospital.  By this time I was getting panicked because I still needed to get mother to the airport and I wanted to be at the hospital when Em arrived.  I called Eddie and told him to go on over to Childrens and I would take care of mother and meet him there. 

The drive to mothers and then to the airport seemed to take 3 hours...on my way there I tried to call Eddie but he didn't answer his phone.  I got mom taken care of and went on to Childrens...didn't know where to park because of all the construction so just went to the regular deck.  Turns out I could have parked right outside the emergency room but wasn't sure how to get there.  I say all this because it just added more and more time to getting to my daughter.  Tried Eddie two more times on the cell and got no answer.  By now I'm REALLY worried because "why isn't he answering?"  Did something happen and did it get worse?  I stayed calm and got to the emergency room and was told Em was in room 10. 

I walked up to the room and there was an empty bed - no Em...no Eddie.  Talk about your heart rate jumping...  There was a Hispanic woman and her son in the same room divided by a curtain.  She saw me walk in and must have sensed my panic and motioned down the hall.  I spoke to her and she said the girl was down the hall in the bathroom.  Okay...starting to calm down now. 

Blood had been taken and other tests ordered and we then were playing the waiting game to see if there was a problem.  I got the full story of Em's adventure and how it started, what the paramedics said and the fact that the emergency room doctor was a hunk.  As soon as she was settled into the emergency room, her heart rate self-corrected.  The paramedics took an EKG while she was in the ambulance so they had something to send the cardiologist.  The one they took when she was at the hospital was normal. 

The hunky doctor (aka "McLovin") came in and said everything looked fine and she would be released as soon as the paperwork was finished up.  We were surprised since the paramedics said she would probably be there overnight.  We were told to schedule a cardiologist appointment - with the one who received her EKG - within 10 days and he would check her out.  Meanwhile...all seemed fine.

Amazing how quickly something - like your day - can change...we went from thinking the worst to driving her home and then on to her musical rehearsal.  She was more worried about missing that rehearsal than anything... It was probably a good distraction for her so she wouldn't worry about her heart rate.  My head was meanwhile spinning with everything that had just happened and trying to shake all the horrible scenarios I had conjured up in my mind that "3 hours" before I could get to her at the hospital.  And all those "other" things I had worried about all week?  Gone from my mind...not important...pretty insignificant in the grand scheme of things...

On the way home the clouds were dark and dreary and a little rain was falling.  But I looked up at one point and saw the sun peeking through...it matched my mood at that moment. 

The year so far...2010...

I was looking back on my previous posts and ran across one I called "the year so far..." at the end of July 2009.  After posting a few weeks ago about school starting for the kids and how I use this time of year to get myself organized for the second half, it seemed like a good time to recap and see what has happened to date.  Shall we?

*  Husby and I celebrated our 24th wedding anniversary to get the year started.  We headed for a weekend away at Callaway Gardens in Georgia.  Everything was pretty deserted at the gardens because it was right after Christmas and New Years but that made it all the more special - like we had the whole place to ourselves!  We are planning something big for our 25th....the discussion continues...

*  Cousin drama reared it's ugly head again...long story short...my cousin and her husband managed to squander over $50K that was supposed to help them (and their 3 small children) stay in my aunt's house for 2-1/2 years.  My final act of assistance was really geared toward my mother in the form of helping my cousin clean out her garage so mother could go through my grandmother's things that were in there.  What an ordeal...but it gave my mother some closure on what should have happened when my grandmother passed away.  And who knew we would find my kids' changing table in there?  I thought we had gotten that back...

*  I took a backwards tumble down the basement stairs the end of January and walked away from what could have been a disastrous situation.  I still don't know how I didn't break my neck and I still have a mark on my neck where I landed. 

*  Decided in February this was the year to have a partial hysterectomy after discussion with my gynecologist at my annual visit.  Luckily I was able to plan this for a time when the calendar was somewhat clear.  I was off from April 26th - surgery was April 28th - until June 14th....and it was wonderful.  Although I feel much better I'm still waiting to feel like that "new woman" everyone said I would feel like.  Maybe I was expecting too much.

*  My mother is having a rough year...some physical but some self induced with her tendency to worry and also her feelings of loneliness.  Seems like all this came to a head with the need for a new roof.  Mind you... there was a storm this spring and then the roofing companies came out of the woodwork going to homes in our area and "looking" for work saying there was hail damage, etc.  Most of mother's neighbors are getting new roofs and she isn't...her insurance company said she didn't have damage.  Of course, this flew all over her because she has had leaks and damage to her ceiling for some time now.  Another long story short... everyone is getting something she is not and there is a feeling (which I can understand) that everything is always so hard for her to come by.  I would feel the same way.  But this seems to have been the tipping point for her in worrying about her future and the thought she should move to an apartment to get out from under house repairs, etc.  Oy.....  The reality is her house payment is so much less than apartment rent would be and she also has equity which she will need later once she can no longer live there.  There is more, of course, but too much to say here.  It's been a bit trying...

*  Took a step forward in creating a photography business with my friend Miguel.  We shot a wedding in May as a favor to a friend of mine.  That was fun...and a little nerve-raking all at the same time!  I've shot pics of a friend and her newborn at the hospital and then created a video to go along with it.  That was fun and rewarding.  I know Miguel is looking at equipment we might need to get this business going - hopefully not too much.  The immediate need for me would be a better flash for my camera.  Meanwhile, I take my camera everywhere I go and take photos, post them and let folks see what I can do.  I get great feedback...and it makes me feel great too!  It may be the beginning of the year before we get this off the ground.  Miguel and his wife will have baby number two in October and I'm sure it will be an adjustment going from one child to two!  I remember THOSE days!  But at least we are talking about this and making plans.  We both have our day jobs which pay the bills...this would be our passion job and we'll map out the time.  It's important to both of us.

The family at Charlie's 21st Birthday

*  We had two milestone birthdays this year. Charlie turned 21 in March and we had a surprise party for him at La Brisa.  It turned out great and I know he was excited about the turnout.  I was able to create 3 videos - one of his early years, one of the "second" half of his life and one of his sports life.  We showed them throughout the party and then Maria and Juan at La Brisa surprised him with a birthday "shot" - it was rather amusing.  I was so grateful for facebook throughout the planning because I was able to get in touch with his friends and extend invitations without his knowledge.  Worked out great!  Then in May (while I was off on medical leave), I planned Emily's Sweet 16 birthday here at the house.  She had a great group of friends here and thankfully, I had Anna Marie and Eddie here to help get everything pulled together in the basement for this event. 

Emily with her Sweet 16 Birthday Cake

*  Not to leave Anna Marie out of this recap...she started her second year at Troy University on July 30th - actually that was move in date and sorority rush started that evening.  It was just me and Anna moving her in but she had everything so organized that we got everything taken care of rather quickly!  We celebrated her 19th birthday the week before she left and she enjoyed her actual birthday at Troy with a visit from Ryan.  Things are just getting started at Troy but she was happy to be back and I'm glad she loves college so much.

Anna with her new RayBans!

*  I am in year 8 of the Hispanic festival that I helped create back in 2003.  The board of directors decided to move the festival from downtown to my town this year but it took awhile to get the move confirmed and all.  We also did not rehire the firm that has handled the event for us since its inception - another long story, but we did hire someone from their firm to manage the event for us in its new location.  The event has been scaled back due to the lack of time to seek sponsorships - but people have been contacting me for months wondering what is going on and when it's going to take place.  We are 9 weeks from the event now...I have panic attacks every other day but I know we have a good plan in place and we are working it....  Meanwhile, we deal with rumors and people who have no connection to the event, spreading rumors that it isn't going to take place.  This isn't good for sponsorships, of course, and it borders on sabotage at times.  It's just the nature of the beast I guess, but it DOES get old.  Sometimes I'd like to be like Kathy Bates in Fried Green Tomatoes and just back my car into some of these folks because "I'm older and have more insurance"...  Other times I'd just like to slap some folks...

These are the highlights...4 more months to go and there is a LOT going on too.  Looking forward to a short trip to Savannah with husby and a few couples over Labor Day Weekend.  Then there is my 10th annual cookie exchange party!  That will be loads of fun...plus there are quite a few folks who want to be invited this year because of the pics I posted on facebook last December. 

See...I take great photos!

From Chaos to Order...every 6 weeks or so...

What a week it's been...school started Wednesday for Emily and Anna Marie - of course Anna is at Troy so it was just Em going through the "back to school" traditions.  Charlie doesn't start for another week and a half.  Our traditions have always been to set the table the night before and make waffles for the kids the first day of school.  Then the night before (as hard as I try I never seem to get it done earlier!) I make each child a personal card about their school year and also find some keepsake item to surprise them with.  For many years they got a keepsake along with a beanie babies when they were all the rage.  This year for Em it was cute notepads and musical dvds including "A Chorus Line."  The other tradition is the pictures on the steps and then at the bus stop.  In this case though, Em got in the car and drove off today.  Times have certainly changed.  Both first days for Em and Anna went well...both seem to like their classes and so far so good...

Through all this I've been trying to find the time to go through several bags of paperwork, stacks here and there...it's overwhelming and I kick myself every time it gets to this point.  Then, as I was going through my calendar to figure out when my last haircut appointment was...it hit me...I go through this every 6 weeks around the same time I get my hair cut!  WEIRD...  It's also about the time I schedule Lucy's grooming appointment.  I wonder if she feels disorganized too?!!

Adding to this is the fact that the weather has been close to 100 every single day for several weeks.  It's really getting old.  I'm just SO over this heat...upstairs in the house it's hot - the second floor never seems to get cool enough and yet the new roof was supposed to help with this.  I'm not sure what the situation is with that but husby has a call in to the roofing company about that and a couple other things.  But we aren't holding our breath for a quick resolution.  I hate to stereotype but like most of these contractors they get your money and move on and the "little" things that they promised to do - like fix the screen they poked holes in - gets put WAY down on their "to do" list. 

Oh..and add one more change in scheduling too...I've decided to start walking at night with Lucy.  This is my second week and it's been going pretty good!  Despite the heat and humidity, Lucy and I really need this and we walked for 30-45 minutes most nights last week.  This week we even had an hour walk!  Tonight we walked earlier because I HAVE to switch to mornings and tomorrow morning is the first day to try this.  Getting this out of the way first thing in the morning will also free my evenings up for other things.  Of course, it means going to bed earlier and that's going to take some getting used to!

As an added incentive I've found an online website to track my food and exercise and help keep me accountable so I can lose some weight.  It's been liberating the past two nights sitting down at the laptop and typing everything in to this space.  I felt a complete shift in how I'm thinking about my weight and instead of looking at how much weight I want to lose, I'm looking at what my goal is and how much I'm chopping away at it!  Of course, from one day to the next it was just 1 pound but maybe tomorrow it will be one more and then one more the next day...  I can pull up a chart with this site and see my progress.  It's amazing what you can find online these days...

Part of what I wanted to do this year was get my health in order and I think this is a good and serious start - after the surgery I had.  Now I need to get that hair appointment tomorrow and all will be right with the world!  Lucy already had her grooming appointment on Wednesday.  She's a little ahead of me in this process!

Another school year about to start...

School is about to start again.  I know the kids always say the summer went by too fast but for once I would have to agree with them!  I always loved this time of year, the organizing, buying school supplies and getting everyone back on track.  It's also the time of year when things really start to crank up for me at work and with my nonprofit work....well, more than usual anyway.  I'm trying not to get back on that treadmill though.  It's a challenge every day!  I still use it as an excuse to get myself organized for the second half of the year.

Anyway, back to school starting...Troy and Hoover both start on August 11th.  Sheldon State not far behind...  Everyone will be back in a routine - or so I hope...

Rachel and Anna in their newly decorated sorority house room!

I moved Anna Marie back to Troy on Friday.  It took two cars but I was surprised that we weren't packed to the hilt!  She did a great job of organizing everything and making sure containers were packed with the right stuff so all she had to do - for the most part - was place them in the correct spots in her sorority room.  The nice thing was knowing she would be back in the same room as last year and this year she has her friend Rachel rooming with her.  They are like two peas in a pod, they have similar style and so the room looked terrific when I left.  I don't know if she has seen the photos I've taken because she had to deactivate her facebook page in anticipation of sorority rush.  I had no sooner left her sorority house when she called to tell me this so I wouldn't be shocked!  I'm sure I would have figured it out but still...it was nice of her to call and tell me personally!  She has been excited about going back to school for over a week now.  I'm so glad she likes it at Troy.

This was definitely different than the move last year...when we ALL went down to Troy and helped her with the move into her dorm.  At one time - between Anna Marie and her roommate - I think we had about 15 people in that little room trying to get things organized!  This year it was just me and Anna and Rachel and her parents.  And when I left she didn't cry...she hugged me about 5 times but there was no crying...well, SHE didn't cry...

Charlie works on his car transmission.

Eddie registered Charlie for Shelton State this week.  Charlie took last semester off from Jeff State to figure things out.  He is now registered for the automotive program at Shelton and he is very excited about this.  Finally...studying something he wants to do for a living.  He has spent so much time this summer working on cars for friends and also his own - if he isn't tired of it by now then this is the right route for him to take!  He lives for cars!!!  And he will definitely have an early drive each day to Tuscaloosa for class - leaving the house at 6:30 a.m.! - but I think in this case the routine will be good for him.  I'm anxious to see how this goes for him.  I know he's ready...

Emily performs at the MCAT Showcase in July

Emily...Miss Emily...she is going to be a junior in high school this year.  She has an exciting and busy year ahead of her too.  She auditioned for Chamber Choir again and will be part of the TNT program at school.  This is also her first year to take a theatre class.  In addition, she is waiting to hear (by tomorrow) is she will be in a musical she auditioned for a few weeks back.  If she is, then rehearsals will start on Monday before school starts!  So the school year will start off with a bang for her...  I do hope she gets a part in the musical.  She spends so much time practicing and working on dance and music in her room.  She just cranks up that stereo and goes at it!  Sometimes I can hear her singing along and I just love that.  Meanwhile, we have some back to school shopping to do this weekend.

Yes...summer is about over.  I wish someone would tell Mother Nature though because this 90+ degree temperatures are really getting old!

Back in the Saddle...

It's been awhile...I spent 7 weeks at home recovering from surgery and staying as disconnected as possible from work and other things.  I had my place set up on the couch in the family room and the company of my sweet puppy Lucy.  It was wonderful...  After about two weeks I had friends saying to me "I'll be you are going crazy just sitting around and watching TV."  My response..."not really."

I think the fact that I gave myself permission to do this and that it was needed and necessary in order to fully recover was what it took.  Here I had books and magazines galore to read and catch up on but did I even open a single one for two weeks?  Nope.

Of course things didn't go "exactly" like I thought they would...I figured I would have a lot of time to myself but that didn't quite happen.  It wasn't a bad thing necessarily but there was a week where I thought I might have to scream because I just wanted everyone out of the house.  But you adjust...

I also thought I would spend more time writing but as you can see from the date of the last post, that didn't quite happen here!  It DID however happen on my laptop.  I started keeping a daily record of what I was doing, who I had heard from, etc. so I would remember what day it was!  It was really a bullet point list of things but before I knew it - it was more of a journal.  I'm loving the fact that I went ahead and did this and also kept up with it for almost the entire 7 weeks...I did kinda slack off the last week a bit.  But it's a good record of what happened during this time! 

I mean, typically I can always look back to my trusty notebook that I carry around to see what was going in work-wise and personal-wise.  I just wasn't keeping up with the notebook during this time...it was just nice to have the laptop next to me and write as I felt like it - plus, I can type so much faster than I can WRITE!

I've been back to work for awhile now and I miss journaling.  I need to build in some time each day to do this...and I want to update this blog more often too.

So I'm back in the saddle...just trying to trot for awhile...the galloping takes a bit more stamina and I'm not quite up to that yet!

Letting Go...

A week from tomorrow I'm having surgery.  It's something that has been planned for a few months - so it's expected which is "nice" I suppose.  It has given me time to plan and go forward on my terms in a way.  But still, it's surgery and I'll be needing time to recouperate and rest.  Which leads me to the crazy few months I've been dealing with...

March is a busy month in terms of nonprofit events and family celebrations.  In additon to two birthdays - my sons and husbands...March seems to be the month that everyone thinks is ideal for signature and fundraising events.  It must be because it's been nonstop since the first of March really.  Not that these events are fun and worthy...they are... but job related work continues and in my case, the "pre-work" to get 6 weeks worth of projects out of the way so that nothing interferes with my time off and distracts me from the time I need to recoup.

Throughout this time I've actually been excited about this time off...the time that I'll be taking to disconnect with work and nonprofit work...and reconnect with myself  - body and soul.  It's sad to think that surgery is what it's taking for me to take the time and get serious about my health.  We all know what we need to do to take care of ourselves but I think it takes a huge push sometimes to really get to that point.  I've joked about this for years..."just let me have some minor surgery or something so I can have some time off!!!"  I'd say this to friends, we'd laugh about it and move on.  But here it is...

I've felt myself starting to let go in the past two weeks.  I'm a little more impatient with people...I'm tired and drained of energy...I'm not as focused...  I'm also a bit more emotional about random things.  Today alone I needed to focus on an event that I'm highly involved in this Thursday...and yet there was constant interruption and then a nagging headache that kept me in the office until almost 7:30 this evening. 

Yes...it's time to let go.

So in further anticipation, this past weekend I worked my tail off to get the house in order - get things organized - down to the basket I keep by my bedside that has books in it I don't intent to read any time soon.  Those have been replaced with the most current magazines, a few books I DO want to read, and other things I want to have close at hand.  Drawers and surfaces have been cleaned off...grooming appointment for my sweet puppy has been scheduled.  You name it and I've probably done it or am in the process of getting it done.  And Monday morning I was looking for the license tag of the truck that ran me over!  I hurt so bad!  Further confirmation that timing is right for this surgery.

This Friday at work...the out of office assistant message goes on my email account, emails have already gone out to folks to let them know I'm "out of pocket" until the first part of June and all other housekeeping items have been farmed out and handled.  I'll run down my list to make sure all is in order on Friday.

I have Monday and Tuesday next week off (vacation) to really unwind and ease into this surgery.  Then it's surgery day followed by six weeks to figure out my next step.  No pressure though...reflective time...and maybe more time to write about all this too...I'm so ready...

The Journey to 21...

My son will be 21 in four days...

I don't think it really hit me until I started putting together a slideshow for his birthday party next weekend. Let me back up...it really started when I began going through all the photos I have of him and trying to decide what to include in this slideshow.

I love taking photos. People who know me would say that's an understatement. I used to take 13-15 rolls of film at an event and then drop them off at Costco for development. The manager of the photo center and I are on a first name basis. He was the one who asked me one day "Teresa, when are you going to go digital?" He helped me make that switch sooner than I probably would have. I've never looked back...

So it would be safe to say that I had quite a mountain of photos to select from - some on cd and some that needed scanning. I spent one afternoon going through all the photo albums in the house. Then went through two huge containers of photos and cds that I haven't had a chance to put in order. Here I thought I had everything in order - at least I had a good start at it. By this I mean that I started putting pictures on my Smugmug.com website. That was one of the smartest things I've ever done.

Going through the photos was quite the trip down memory lane. I have one accordion container with all the kids school, sports and daycare photos. I also have pictures of the kids from their first year where I had their pictures made at JCPenney every two months. They change so much the first year...

By the time I had scanned photos and copied photos from the smugmug site and also the home computer I probably had about 400 pictures to narrow down into a slideshow. That's where I had to get creative. Costco has a slideshow deal where you can upload photos and select popular music and they send it to you in a nice dvd container with a photo and title. My daughter used this for her boyfriend last May as a graduation present. It was quick and easy and a very high quality product.

So I ended up with three slideshows...one of Charlie playing soccer through the years, one of Charlie "the early years" and one of Charlie "the journey to 21." Now sorting through and putting the pictures in order was no problem. But going through each one in preview mode...now that was another story. The music and the pictures running through really made me emotional...

The soccer slideshow showed Charlie playing on his first team in what we used to call "magnet ball!" All the kids would be all over the soccer ball...but there was Charlie out ahead of the pack and kicking the goal. The later photos showed him playing in the rec league and finally in high school. I could never get enough of him running up and down the field. He was SO FAST!!! I wish I had been able to use a digital camera during his early years. Then again, I would have had probably a thousand more photos to go through!

In the early years slideshow I placed all the school yearbook pictures up front so you see him from kindergarten through high school...then it starts with random shots of his baby years, toddler years and finally up to around 4th grade. The thing I noticed in all those pictures is what a sweet smile my boy has... He always just wanted to be friends with everyone too. He would meet a kid and an hour later he would call that kid his best friend. Such a heart of gold...

The last slideshow covered pictures from middle school until now. The one thing I regret is not taking more pictures of Charlie when he was in band. We would go to the high school football games and stay through the halftime show to watch Charlie play the tuba. I don't think I was aggressive enough in those days to just walk right up and take photos. I should have been. But I did have a decent supply and the photos I have show him having the time of his life with the tuba section! I also hardly have any photos of him as a Boy Scout. I know they are around but I couldn't locate many at all. Again, I wasn't the one going on the trips with him or campouts. Another lost opportunity but there were a handful of photos with his best friend Kendall so I included those.

Thank goodness for facebook and the photos I found there! Many of Charlie with friends from church youth group, his car friends and others. I made use of many of those...

The journey to 21 in pictures is like the journey to 21 in person, I would imagine. There are moments you wish you could have captured on film but didn't but you have good memories of those times. Likewise, I'm sure there are times in Charlie's life he wishes he had done something differently. Hopefully though, he learned something from that decision or he has good memories of an event or time. I hope when he looks back on his first 21 years and that he is happy about the journey so far.

I'm so proud of him and looking forward to capturing the next 21 years in photos and memories...

Accountability

I've been wanting to post for several days now but I think I'm having a case of writers block. Well, maybe not quite writers block. I have things I want to get off my mind and onto my blog and I start to formalize them in my mind while I'm driving home from work, or walking my puppy after the 10 o'clock news...but when I sit down to write I just go blank lately.

Some of this has to be due to the fact that I haven't accomplished as much of the yearly planning in January as I had wanted to. I mean, my Christmas tree and inside decorations are still up!!! What the heck??? It's not like I have family members just standing at the ready to help me either. Now if I get it started then I know I'll get the help I need, but the idea of actually being self-motivating and seeing husby or youngest daughter or oldest son get it started without me...well, let's just say that hasn't happened to date and I'm not holding my breath! I took a look at my master "to do" list this afternoon that I created to hold me accountable and changed the "take the tree down" target date of completion from January to February! Oh well! It's a work in progress...

All this reminds me of a conversation I had with a friend this afternoon at work. He has just gone on a board that I've been on in the past. During their planning session a few weeks ago he mentioned it would be good to have an accountability committee or a way to keep everyone on task with what they've agreed to do to move the organization forward. The response he got was that they are all adults and they all know what to do to get the job done. But is that really the case? I mean, how many of us are on committees or involved with extra-curricular activities, been given tasks that we say "no problem" to and then when it comes to crunch time, make an excuse about why the job hasn't been done?

This has happened to me only rarely...because I don't like the way it feels to let people down AND if I say I'm going to do something then I'm going to get it done!!! If anything, I usually end up being the one sending the emails, making the phone calls and trying to keep everything on task so that the job gets done, the event happens or the party is a success. Of course, on the flip side, I DO like organizing things! I feel like a project manager on so many levels with things I'm involved in and like to approach things in this manner.

I think part of my problem this year is that I got a little derailed in January. There is always a little family drama going on and it tends to be attracted to the month of January. This year, thankfully, it was on a lesser scale but still affected my time nontheless. My cousin and her husband and kids are about to lose their house due to complete and utter stupidity. It's a long story but suffice it to say, they had inherited money from my aunt that based on the budget that my husby prepared for them, among other things, should have lasted them and kept them in the house for at least 3 years. They lasted less than a year on the plan. So throughout this mess there have been numerous conversations with my mother about how far we need to go to help them, getting through some of my grandmother's things that are still in the house and then trying to get them to pack and look for a place to live.

What a mess...it's sad, upsetting, infuriating and assinine...all at the same time. Husby and I have taken a huge step back with all this and my cousin's husband's family - his two sisters and their husbands - have stepped up to "help" or intervene. I don't even know what the right word for this is anymore. It's crazy to think so much needs to be done for two "adults" in their early 30s with three children under the age of 5. The problem is actually that too much has ALWAYS been done for them...all along and they don't know anything else. They have never been held accountable for their actions...they've always been bailed out.

The other side of this is my mother's feelings and need for closure with her mother and her sister and their things/memories. It's another long story but the short readers digest condensed version is that my grandmother had been living with my aunt for so many years that their belongings were so merged that it was difficult to know who owned what. Mom never had the opportunity to really go through her belongings when grandmother passed away and felt uncomfortable asking her sister to do this since grandmother lived with my aunt for so long.

Which leads us to two Saturdays in January. One Saturday was spent going through the house helping mom look through the dishes, doiles and other things in the house - at least what we could get through since the house was such a wreck. The next Saturday I agreed to go back with mom to get through the garage since we knew there were other "grandmother" items boxed up in there. It took us all day... It was like an episode of Clean House and it bordered on the "Hoarders" series. We couldn't even walk into the garage at the beginning. By the time we finished there was a clear trail to the kitchen door and we had everything sorted by what to keep, what to sell and what to throw out. It still amazes me that garages or rooms or complete houses get to this point. I mean, bags of mail, toy parts, books, cds, clothing, etc. were shoved into large plastic bags, sealed and then tossed into the garage. And I don't mean one or two bags either. There were so many...it was mind-boggling....... Again, no accountability so let's just toss it into a huge room and maybe no one will notice.
So, just when I thought I was back on track with my own plans to get 2010 in order I took that tumble down the stairs which derailed me for about a week... And...here we are in February.

I think my best bet for this short month is going to be keeping that master "to do" list in front of me so that I hold myself accountable for the things "I" want to do. I'm getting all the things for everyone else done...that never seems to be a problem.

I've got some lost time to make up for, don't I?

Repacking my bags...

...so I've decided to change the name of my blog from "Year of Living Stressfully" to "Repacking my bags...lightening my load for the journey ahead."

When I first started blogging "officially" - I had the need to put on "paper" the things that were going through my mind that were...well... stressing me out! I figured I could get it down on the blog, get it out of my head, and essentially lighten my load in that way. I does help... unloading your mind of the multitude of things that consume you every day.

Over the course of the past year and a half though, I began wondering if the blog title was something I really wanted to keep. I mean, some could say that "stress" is the new normal! I've heard and even said that many times lately. But the word "stress" is getting old, isn't it? I mean, it's like the word "busy." I really do loathe that word..."hey, I know you're BUSY but could you..." OR "my life is so busy right now I just can't breathe!" Busy, busy, busy!!! Isn't that the sound bees make??? Okay, I'm getting ridiculous now...I know...

The blog name change comes from me wanting to put a more positive light on what I want to do this year...put the important people/places/things in my bags and make the most of this journey I'm on. The focus should be on the journey, shouldn't it? As an adult, don't we know this? Should we be asking "are we there yet?" If we are asking that child-like question then we aren't enjoying the journey very much, are we? I hear people say things like "getting there is half the battle" and that the destination is the reward. I don't agree...I believe the journey is the reward...

I'm making a vow to enjoy the journey...even if my luggage doesn't match. 

Just call me grace...

It's amazing the number of thoughts that go through your head as you are falling. Last thing I remembered I was standing on the other side of the kitchen door - on the top of the basement steps - and the next thing I knew I was falling backwards....down 15 steps and hit the basement floor...HARD.

I stayed there, flat on my back, for what seemed like 20 minutes trying to decide if I was all in one piece. Was anything broken? Did I have a concussion? What about my neck and back? Broken? Cracked? I felt like I had just been in a gigantic dryer, spinning out of control and watching all the contents of my purse and briefcase flying through the air with me as I tumbled. I can still see it all as if in slow motion.

Nothing seemed to be bleeding so I tried to roll onto my knees and slowly get up. I decided I should make a phone call first. Since my son was still close to home - he had just left to take my daughter to school - I called him and asked him to come back home right away. I figured if I were to pass out or if something were more seriously wrong with me that he would get here before my husband could from downtown.

While I waited for Charlie to arrive, I managed to get up and eventually stand up. I made my way upstairs to survey the damage. Most of the bruising and pain I was feeling was on my left side. About this time Charlie came charging into the house and I heard him head straight for the basement. I called him upstairs to give me a hand. I had a bruise on my left leg from 5 days before while working in the garage. I noticed it was bigger or rather it appeared to be swelling. That worried me a bit. Plus the fact that I hit my head - all those stories about Natasha Richardson dying after hitting her head skiing went through my head... Then Charlie asked me "did you call dad?" I said I hadn't yet and he said "well if you don't call him right now I will!"

Now my sweet husband is one of those guys who reacts so calmly to situations like this. I mean, he keeps a clear head and asks the right questions and doesn't get hysterical or anything. I joke that he gets more upset by things like letting cookie slip out of his hand or getting all the way to the basement garage and realizing his keys are upstairs in the kitchen! True to form, he was calm and collcted and said I needed to go to the Urgent Care center and get checked out - have x-rays and make sure all was in order.

Charlie helped me pick up the contents of my purse and briefcase and he followed me to the Urgent Care center. I was hobbling along but not dizzy or anything which made me feel better about NOT having a concussion. Got the x-rays and went through a checkup with the doctor and found out I was fine - just very bruised and banged up. He prescribed pain meds and plenty of ice packs for all the bruising. What a relief...

I'm still puzzled at how exactly I wound up at the bottom of the stairs flat on my back. You know how sometimes when you start to fall you can feel yourself slip? I don't remember that. And sometimes you catch your foot on something and you start to stumble? That didn't happen. All I remember is falling straight back and flipping about one and a half times before hitting the floor. I joked with a few folks that I got a low score from the Russian judge. Guess my form wasn't quite good enough! I spent a lot of time laughing off the "tumble down the stairs" but the reality is...I was very lucky yesterday. It could have been so much worse.

I'm so grateful that it wasn't...

It's 2010....Bring It ON!

What is it about the apparent correlation between getting older and time going by more rapidly? I'm sure as I was "IN" 2009 and some of the stressful situations that I secretly "wished" away my life and hoped the situations would end quickly and pleasantly.

So now here we are at 2010...I didn't even think about it being the end of a decade until I saw a status post on facebook a few days ago. It was a little startling to me to read that status post because then I started wondering if I should be thinking about MAJOR goals for 2010 and how to go about setting them, etc. But WHOA!...isn't that just looking for trouble? I mean, I'm trying to reduce stress, right? Not set myself up for failure by creating more work, more resolutions, and more things to do that I don't really want to do, right?

I started reading a book that I've had for a year or so...it's called "Repacking Your Bags - How to Live with a New Sense of Purpose." Seemed an appropriate book to begin at the start of a new year - a new decade. I threw it in my travel bag on Saturday as hubby and I went away for our 24th anniversary. I was able to start reading the book while waiting for a massage the 2nd day of the trip. It's not a hard book to read and so I'm wondering why I didn't pick it up and read it earlier. Maybe I just wasn't ready to examine the extra burdens I've been carrying around and learn how to lighten my load. (That's actually a quote from someone who read the book that I'm borrowing...in the essence of full disclosure!)

But I think what attracted me to the book - as I was packing my 'bags" for my anniversary trip - is that it uses the metaphor of "baggage" to help remind you that life IS a journey! And your experience along the way is intimately bound up in the baggage - emotional, intellectual, and physical - that you are carrying. What we carry in our bags defines how we spend our time, and how we spend our time determines how we live and who we are. Hummm....

I know people use the quote "life is a journey" a lot and I've even used the line "enjoy the journey" - or "come along for the journey" to several people close to me in personal conversation to perhaps help them understand that you need to live in the moment and stop wondering what the next great "thing" or event will be. If you are constantly thinking about what is next, then you miss what is NOW.

This life is going by too quickly these days to NOT be doing the things that I love. I had already recognized that early last year but let other things/people/circumstances dictate what my year would be like. Toward the end of the year, I was determined to make that change. I did this in small ways, like during Thanksgiving, I refused to answer any work related/non-profit related emails. I was, after all, on vacation and you can't fully relax and disconnect if you are constantly checking emails! It was a good feeling and the world didn't end and no one died by my NOT answering them. So, the Christmas holiday/vacation was going to be another test of my resolve. I officially go back to work on Wednesday and while I did read a few emails from work today, the urge to immediately answer them wasn't pulling me. It was a good feeling...being in control...

So what has struck me as positive from this book so far? So far, it's the "formula" for a "good life" which is...

Living in the Place you belong,
with the People you Love,
doing the Right Work,
on Purpose.

Harmony is another way to define this. Since our journey is ever changing, the balance among place, love and work is always shifting too. At some stages we are more focused on work, sometimes we are more focused on our home (place) and so on.

What pulls all this together is "purpose." If you are able to define your sense of purpose - or for those of us who need this defined a little more bluntly - "the reason you get up in the morning" - then you can remained focused on where you want to go and discover new ways to get there.

Okay...so there you have it. I still have more of the book to read so who knows what else I'll discover or "rediscover" in all this. I do know one thing...I need to get upstairs right now and "unpack" my bags from my anniversary trip.

That seems like a good place to start...