Time to get serious...again...

We've just finished up the Labor Day holiday weekend and had a great time with friends at the lake. It was so good to leave all the thoughts of home and work behind and just enjoy...

For the most part, that is what happened. Then I started having random heart palpitations or "flutters." On top of that the burning I'm having at the base of my throat is not getting any better either. So...

Is all this caused by stress that I'm suppressing or is there a medical reason for all this. I can only make those assumptions right now. I can also make a doctor's appointment...which I plan to do tomorrow. I can also try not to let my imagination get the better of me and start doing Internet research and freaking myself out about these symptoms and thinking I have some type of major disease or ailment!

Of course, with all the illness (cancer) that has been running through my family these past few years, it's hard NOT to think it could be something like that. My mother was diagnosed with a very aggressive form of breast cancer in March 2007 and then in Sept 2007, my aunt (mother's sister) was diagnosed with stage 3B ovarian cancer. So, I know my hubby is more worried about things like that than he lets on. Maybe it's because I make a joke about it everything it comes up to keep things less tense. But the last thing he says in those conversations is "go to the doctor!" He's right. But here's the catch...

I'll call tomorrow and it will take me weeks to get in to see the doctor. It will frustrate me so much that I will probably go to the "doc in the box" or clinic near my house and see what I can get done there first. I don't know...I just haven't had the best luck with my "normal" docs these past few years. More on that in a minute.

I also need to make an appointment for my annual "female" exams which were due in March. Yeah...I'm overdue and that doesn't make me happy either. I didn't have the best experience last time I went for my annual. Nothing really drastic but it just disturbed me at how quickly I was run through by the doctor. To begin with, my long-time doctor (female) was not available when I finally made my appointment after two years. I had to redo all my paperwork as a "new" patient - which I thought was ridiculous - and see another doctor - but the good news here is that it was the doc who had delivered two of my children.

Okay, so I have my exam and talk about how my mother and aunt both have cancer and that it's just "a little too close for comfort" and I'm worried about this and what do we need to do about this. He in essence told me he didn't think I had anything to worry about as long as I got checked out on a regular basis. So I went on to talk about the menopausal symptoms I was experiencing that were getting very uncomfortable. He said he would prescribe an anti-depressant that would help with the hot flash symptoms. I just stared at him and finally said "really? An anti-depressant?" And he said, "yeah!" Okay..... I also had another physical issue going on and was not happy with the solution given and wanted to talk about that more in the doc's office after the exam was over.

So I get dressed and meet the doctor in the hallway to go to his office and he stands at the doorway of his office to give me the anti-depressant prescription and a pamphlet for the other condition and the paperwork to go get a mammogram. I was in such a tailspin with all this info and I'm sure disbelief that we were standing in the office rather than sitting that I just took everything and left!

For several days I was so upset by all this. I mean, you get rushed through your appointment and you hardly have time to even think of questions you need to ask. I told one of my best friends - who is a nurse - about all this and she was absolutely furious. I said I considered myself intelligent enough to know what questions to ask a doctor but in this situation it just all completely escaped me and I felt awful about the visit. I also wondered about women - young and old - who aren't assertive enough to ask questions or even question the treatment they are getting. Then again, I consider myself assertive and I didn't know what to do in this case.

For the sake of ending this story...NO, I didn't fill the prescription (or take the samples the doctor gave me), and no I didn't use the info in the pamphlet for the "other condition." Instead, I went online to investigate natural and holistic ways to combat hot flashes and consulted with my friend the nurse about the other condition and she gave me the name of a specialist and information on what my options were in this case. None of these were offered by my doctor.

Now I will get into the story of how it nearly took an act of congress to change internist at the same medical group in Dec 2007. I had actually already done this and went in to verify while mom was having treatment at the cancer center. Long story short, I went to the medical group manager and she told me to go to the "new" doctor's receptionist and tell her I was transferring as a new patient with this doctor and all would be taken care of - because I was already listed as being transferred. She told me to make an appointment with the new doctor when I spoke to the receptionist. Well...easier said than done. When the receptionist heard me say "new patient" she didn't even let me finish and spoke over me saying " The doctor is not taking new patients." I said "No, you don't understand, I'm not a new patient, I'm transferring from another doctor and this was already done in May." She would not budge NOR listen to me and then ordered me to go sit in the waiting room. Well, I guess the group manager thought I was coming back to her office so she came to check on me and discovered what was going on and walked back up to the receptionist with me and told her to make me an appointment.

Let's just say the receptionist was not very accommodating. She gave me the "first open" new patient appointment for....drum roll....May 2008. I just looked at the group manager after she told me the first available appointment and said "gee, I hope I don't get really sick and need to see the doctor between now and then." She said "well, we'll work you in somehow." Great...thanks...

I left to pick up my mother and told her all about this. See, this is also my mother's doctor who had been wonderful to her during her cancer treatment, etc. Mother was the one who encouraged me to switch since I was so unhappy with my current doctor who I felt did not listen to me and always kept me waiting over an hour for my scheduled appointments. Always. Anyway, I told mother that the next time she was scheduled to see the doctor, this is what she needed to tell her. That the receptionist was rude and would not listen to me and that I was treated terribly by her. I mean, for goodness sake...if you are sick and came to the doctor and had to deal with someone like that...good luck to ya!

I kept the May 2008 "new patient" appointment. Haven't been back because I haven't seen the need. I still go on-line to do my research and have learned that I really need to take a list of questions I want answered so I don't get rushed through the appointment. I feel strong enough to say - "No, I'm not satisfied with the answer, could you explain it again." Or even, "I think I need to talk to someone else."

Live and learn...right?

Time to get serious...about my health. But I still dread making these appointments tomorrow...

Stressful year is "almost" up...do I need to think of a new blog title??

When I started this blog almost a year ago it was during what I "thought" was a very stressful time in my life. I was looking at writing as an outlet but unfortunately I wasn't able to write as much as I thought. Instead, I discovered facebook about the same time and that started taking much of my time and energy. Don't get me wrong...I love the facebook community and what it has offered to me as an outlet. I'm just sorry I didn't capture more in this blog about the stressful "stuff" that was going on at the time.

I look back now and marvel at how quickly this year has gone by. I remember a time when I kept a calendar and every night before I went to sleep I would write a few key points for that date - they could be simply where I went to lunch, who I went out with, if I worked out or a short glimpse into what I was feeling. It's interesting (to me) to look back on all that now and see what was going on in my mind and in my life.

Then around the time I got married I was keeping a journal on the computer. I would write every single day and then print out the days activities and put them in my Daytimer calendar. One of my close friends/co-workers used to call it my "Doogie Houser" journal. At the time I thought "who in the world would want to see this stuff - how mundane!" But I'm so glad I did it - because "I" was really the audience (as well as my son someday) and because it was all about my son when he was born, when he was a baby and the things we did together. So I guess I was into "blogging" before blogging was cool!

Nowadays I don't go anywhere without my notebook. I use it for work and personal and write everything in it to keep up with work related meetings and personal things that I have to do. I can go through a notebook a month if I'm not careful! There is so much to write down and I find that when I unload thoughts from my head to paper (or computer), that it helps me think better. Clears the mind. I think we are always afraid that if we let go of certain thoughts that they'll be gone forever. So that's why we keep them around but the reality is we clutter our minds and it just makes life more stressful. Unloading is helpful!

So where am I going with all this? I believe we record our lives in many ways. It's just that these days there are more ways than ever to do that. I would love to be able to spend time blogging all day but the truth is that I don't have the time and sometimes I don't have the energy. But, I know I have my notebook with me so I capture things that way.

Another way is through emails. I think back to the year leading up to my father's death. I'm the oldest of four daughters and my youngest sister and I have what I feel is a unique bond. My sister and I would talk or email about every day during that time and I would pour out my frustrations and fears surrounding my parents along with other feelings to her via email. She would encourage me , laugh with me and sympathize on other things. It was such a release. Dad died June 1, 2001 and my sister and I planned a trip to New Mexico to visit his hometown and his sister - we just "had" to go and the trip was planned for September 14, 2001. Well...you know what happened. September 11th. While watching the events of the day on the tv at my office I went back to my desk at one point and had an email from my sister with one line..."what is happening?" Of course, we all know now what happened.

So between my father's death, the feelings leading up to that, September 11th and then the eventual trip we made to New Mexico - which finally ended up happening on his October 25th birthdate...I had a huge number of emails from my sister. So what better Christmas present? I had saved everything and printed all the emails out and put them in a binder for her. Naturally, reading through all the emails was an emotional roller coaster for me! She felt the same way when she realized what I had done with the emails.

Back to the question...should I change the name of this blog? I've been thinking about that for about a week now. Stress is a norm in our lives these days, isn't it? I think about it many times a day but I push through and find ways to deal. This blog is just one way I deal. My notebook is another... I think I'll keep the blog name...for now...because I'm a believer that it's all about how you react to the stress in your life that makes you the person you are.

And for me...so far so good...I'll keep "dealing"....for now...

"T" Time...

I've started taking some "T-Time" for myself. In case you are wondering, my first name begins with a "T"...so instead of saying "me" time which always sounds so selfish to me I dubbed it "T-Time"

It started on Saturday when I was suddenly faced with a day with nothing really planned. How did THAT happen? So, I put on my stretchy pants, an XL t-shirt, my running shoes and my ipod and headed to the rec center. Spent about an hour and a half on the eliptical trainer and then lifting weights. AAAHHHHH.............. Yeah, I remember that feeling....tired but invigorated...

Then Sunday I spent the day cleaning the house - mainly my bedroom, bathroom and doing the laundry - and unpacking from not one...but TWO trips that I had recently taken. I always do this...I leave the suitcase on the floor next to my bed for about two weeks and then finally bring myself to unpack. I still haven't quite figured that out yet. Anyway, there was also a bag from a trip to the lake that was packed with...well...stuff you need at the lake! All unpacked...put away... and now trying to make sure I do a little every night so I have time for..."T-TIME!"

So Monday after multiple meetings at work, I left work at a decent hour and headed back to the rec center. AAAHHHHHH....and OOOOOOWWWWWWW.....yes, it left me tired and invigorated and SORE! That abdominal machine really got to me. Heck! All of it got to me.

Tuesday...another full day of meetings and then transporting my youngest child to and from a rehearsal late in the afternoon. Between the transporting...you guessed it...headed back to the rec center for some more "T Time".... Crazy busy though at the rec center so didn't get the eliptical machine I wanted. Instead got one that kicked my butt which probably wasn't such a bad thing, walked a mile, lifted some more weights and hit the abdominal machine. Then took the dog for a walk when I got home and thought I was going to have to call for reinforcements when I started back up the steep hill to my house! Either that or have my sweet puppy pull me up the hill.

So here I sit very proud of myself for releasing not the hounds but the endorphins to keep me going this week. The goal? Do some type of physical activity every day through Labor Day weekend. That's a LOT of "T-Time!"

But I deserve it...and maybe I won't buy that punching bag I had my eye on after all...

When did this happen...?

As I listened to my 17 year old daughter talk to me and my husband this afternoon I had to ask myself...when did this happen?...when did she get so mature and when did she learn to tell such compelling stories? I know every parent goes through this but when it happens to you, it's always different, isn't it?

Anna and I spent the day together shopping. Nothing unusual about that - you might be thinking - but this was shopping for college...and she leaves in just two days. Today it was all about stocking the dorm room with toiletry items, snack foods, and school supplies. She was a little freaked out about the stuff we loaded into the buggy and how much it was going to cost. She is a lot like I was at her age with her concerns about the cost of things to her parents... But I told her this would get her started so she wouldn't have to worry about all this for a little while. Sorority rush starts the day after she arrives and I have no idea what happens with all that. I didn't go through any of that and I like to say it's "Greek to me!" She's been getting help from her dad in this area since he was in a fraternity and has a wide network to draw from here. Did I mention we had some great conversation about managing money throughout the shopping trip today- in addition to the value of things and when to buy trendy vs. buying quality? We did and I feel good about sending her off to school with the knowledge that she will be watchful over her spending.

Anyway, after the large haul from Walmart, we headed home to start the packing process. We have boxes in the basement and boxes, bags and other containers upstairs in the hallway. I'm not sure what more we have to do at this point. I'll need to check in the morning but we are hoping to get it all taken care of by tomorrow so we can relax a little and just load the car and go on Tuesday morning...bright and early.

Tomorrow is Anna's 18th birthday party (a week early) with a small group of friends. This is another transition she is making. Her group from high school was so big for so long but started splintering around spring break. It was bound to happen and as much as it was expected, it was still a little sad to see. All sadness aside, some of the drama involved was...let's just say...over the top and I'm glad that is over with! But through her university's online network, she has been able to connect with other girls in our area all going to school together and they've started having dinner together once a week for the past month or so... It's been great to watch the new friendships forming and tomorrow I believe most of these new friends (with a few old faithfuls) will be at the house to help Anna celebrate her 18th birthday a little early.

I look forward to being a fly on the wall and listening to the conversations these "young women" have tomorrow evening... I can imagine their mothers and fathers are asking themselves the same question I had today...when did this happen? When did they grow up and how did it all go by so quickly? I'm doing my best to focus on the excitement of all this - going "away" to college - something that I didn't experience but am so happy she gets to do.

She wrote on my facebook wall last night..."it's gonna be an awesome day tomorrow...so get off the book of face and go to bed!" I had to laugh...but she was right...it was an awesome day today!

The year so far...

Tomorrow is August 1st...more than half the year has come and gone. I say that because I really thought this year would be one that I would spend working on myself. As selfish as that sounds, it really isn't meant to sound that way. It's more that I wanted to get my health in order, my worklife and extra-curricular life in order and make more time for my family, my husband and most of all...have some "down" time to reflect.

I turned 50 in February this year...an age where you tend to reflect back and see what you've accomplished and realize that there is more you want to do and then have the feeling that you are running out of time! I don't want to get into a panic about anything. I just want to slow down a bit and yet that hasn't happened this year... If anything, this has been a year where I've taken one step forward and five steps back with the personal goals I've set for myself.

Let's review...shall we:

* In January my aunt died of ovarian cancer leaving a financial situation that I still can't fathom...my hubby and I worked to get her estate in order and make sure her daughter, son-in-law and three grandchildren were able to stay in her house...this continued through April with court dates, financial configuring and other things. All is resolved now, thankfully...and all appears to be going well with my cousin. I'm taking the "no news is good news" approach to this for the time being.

* My mother has had a hard time dealing with the death of her little sister...she has needed space but also needed care. Luckily one of my "extra-curriculars" is serving on the board of a non-profit counseling center for women. I was able to get her into grief counseling for a few months and that has helped considerably. I don't know if you ever fully recover from something like this - a sister you are so close to - and in their circumstance - they both had cancer in the same year and the younger of the two is the one that dies.

* A small nonprofit that I chair has been through considerable turmoil since last fall when we were looking at merging with a much larger nonprofit organization. For many reasons, the merger was put on hold and then the executive director resigned....along with one other staff member...and the program assistant left a few months later to return to school. All this to say that the bulk of the organization has now fallen on my shoulders. The board of directors has stepped up but "someone" still has to be there to keep things going, right?! Guess who that is...

* Then another nonprofit that I serve on has gone through a bit of turnover too...luckily in this case I am not heading it up but it has still been trying and uncomfortable at times.

* Oh yeah...and the economy tanked...

* Through all this I've realized I'm struggling with a lot of anger issues...I went for a walk with my dog one night a few months ago and came home with this urge to write about them. I sat down at the laptop and just as I was about to begin was sidelined with a "boy and his dog" issue. My son had brought home a dog he "adopted" with a friend from the humane society. Long story short, the dog really was the responsibility of the "friend" but someone my son ended up with the animal and we "allowed" him to stay at our home temporarily until he could find the dog a home. That night the dog was upset and decided to pee a river in the kitchen unbeknownst to me - sitting at the kitchen table with the laptop! Our family dog got so upset that she ran upstairs and decided to relieve herself on the carpet in our bedroom to mark her territory in there! What a fun night of cleaning that up...needless to say the entry about "anger management" never made it to the blog.

* So yeah...add the boy and his dog issue to the list as I spent well over a month working on finding him a home to no avail...

* Oh...did I mention budget cuts at work? I've had to get very creative about how I work this year. And maybe this is for the best since the nonprofit mess started. I don't know if I would have had time for everything otherwise.

* Physically...well, I'm 50 in case I didn't mention that before. My weight has become a major issue for me. It's too depressing to elaborate at this point...

* My favorite music festival in town filed for bankruptcy.

* Our next door neighbors moved last week. We've been neighbors since our boys were 5 years old - they are now 20. I haven't even had time to meet the new people since they moved in a little over a week ago.

So...my thought is this...you are put in this place, at this particular point in time, because you are the right person at the right time. I have to keep telling myself this somedays to make things happen. AND...I have to take back my time. Meaning, I have to take control over my time like never before and quit letting people make their lack of planning my emergency. Or pure laziness because they don't want to do something and know I will eventually cave in and do it for them. I just can't keep letting that happen.

With that said...I was off work today and will be through Wednesday next week. This is the time I have been planning on since last year when my daughter started her senior year in high school. She goes off to college on Tuesday so we have a lot to do to get ready for the move. The disconnecting from the blackberry today was so successful and such a relief. The temptation is always there to check but the urge to reply is waning - and I know that's a good thing.

The year isn't over yet and I can certainly "hope" that August through December will bring me a greater sense of peace and calm as I take control and do so with a firmness and resolve that keeps the focus on balance and making myself a priority in all this madness...

Next post...I will list the positive side of all this chaos and what I've learned...

My little bird is flapping her wings...

I've been wanting to write all afternoon but now that I've settled in for the night and have the laptop in my lap I simply don't know where to begin. My daughter is going through freshman orientation while I go through I guess what they call "parent" orientation. This is my first child to go "away" to school. My older son has been attending community college and living at home so hubby and I haven't had the emotion of watching one leave the nest. Don't get me wrong...it's been an adjustment since he is in school, working and rarely at home. In fact, we are still having to adjust since he is still living with us and we do expect him to take on some of the responsibilities of helping out while trying to give him the freedom he needs to figure life out. But that's a different posting that I'll get to at another time...

The reality is that this is starting to hit me and I didn't think it would. There were three distinct times today where I could have burst out crying and the last time was in the presence of my daughter and I don't know if she noticed this... It is such an exciting time in her life and I want it to be as perfect as possible without being one of those "helicopter" parents - you know, the kind that "hover"....and for the record, I've never been one of those parents. My kids will tell you this too thankfully!

After a full day of information overload we finally got to meet with the music department people and hear what classes my daughter would take toward her major of music education. It was a small group and later Anna would tell me that she loved that it was small and that she would get to know everyone better this way. She is realizing that she will get to concentrate on a LOT of music courses and sprinkle in math, english and some other basics. It's sinking in that she is working toward what she wants to do with her life.

While she was talking to one of the professors that she will no doubt have as a teacher this fall, she carried on a great exchange with him and I watched trying not to tear up. Later I told her that I was biting my tongue because I'm so used to adding comments or bringing up things about my kids that they forget to mention...and it needed to be all her because in a few short months...it will be all her...on her own.

In my mind at the moment...I'm seeing her getting on the school bus when she was just barely 5 years old and heading off to kindergarten and I'm finally crying... She was "just" 5 years old and she was so ready to go to school. She got on that school bus and I even have a picture of her little legs climbing on board the bus and she didn't look back. That child did NOT look back with her little backpack that morning. It was several years before I realized just how young she had been when she started kindergarten.

I never went through any of the separation anxiety that I heard other mothers went through (or that I'd read about in the magazines) when their children went off to school for the first time. Maybe this is payback for thinking it was so ridiculous to be so upset or emotional about the transition to kindergarten. I just didn't get it. Maybe that was because my kids had always been in daycare and so this was just the norm in our family. We were always very fortunate that we had great daycare and after school care up until the time all three of my kids were in middle school.

This transition is different though...at least that's what I'm telling myself. My daughter is a young woman now and that's what I saw today. I've seen glimpses of it over the past year but today...I don't know, it was just more pronounced and exciting and even heartbreaking (to me). Maybe the moms that were so torn about their little ones going off to kindergarten would be chuckling at me now because they've already been through this and are veterans to this feeling. Then again, maybe this feeling knows no age or boundaries.

One thing is for certain...our little bird is ready to leave the nest. I'm certain of it and I know she will be fine and I'm so glad I'm here right now with her to share this experience...

You don't take a photograph...you make it...

Photography...it's something I love to do and I spend a lot of time behind a camera, looking for the right shot, capturing important moments for friends and family and then posting them to facebook or my photo website for people to view and download...

I seem to be spending more and more time on this "hobby" of mine and sometimes I wonder what it would be like to actually do this as a profession. I've searched for blogs about photographers and found a few. I've also searched for photographer websites and looked at their creative ideas and the outcome "in print." It's always interesting to see the artistry at work in these creative types.

Then today I went to the viewing of a movie at the museum. It was about women artists and their struggles to be taken seriously and to balance their home lives with their passion for their art. Each story was equally moving and the choices these woman had to make were sometimes heartwrenching. Some of their struggles have to do with society and the ways women are made to feel about making the "appropriate" choices for their family...ALWAYS... I found myself getting a bit emotional at some points and I wasn't sure why....at first.

When I was a little girl I proclaimed I wanted to be a concert pianist. I learned to play piano by ear and then later took lessons and did quite well. I could sit and play piano for hours so there was never a problem getting me to practice. At one point my piano teacher and her mother were both fighting over me and who would be the best to teach me! I was about 10 years old at the time and had no idea why there was such a fuss. I never took lessons from "the mother" but she would come and listen to me play at my teachers house fairly often.

My love of music extended to singing too...I got involved in choir in high school and whenever there was another musical group to try out for, I was there and involved. Music was probably the highlight of my high school years and those I have the fondest memories of when I really think about it. Later in college, the urge to sing was still there so I joined the university chamber choir and used it as an outlet. Then...life happened and I stopped singing. Don't get me wrong...I still thought I could be a singer or performer for a long time after that, but did I do anything to get me there? Besides singing at a few weddings and at the top of my lungs in my car I pretty much abandoned that dream.

So what does this have to do with photography? Well, after watching that movie today I am more determined than ever not to let another creative outlet fall by the wayside. I have loved taking photos for many years now but I always say to people..."I know enough to be dangerous" when it comes to photography. I've been the "unofficial" OFFICIAL photographer of an event that I've helped manage for the past 6 years and my photos are always used in all our promotional materials. I show up with my camera at anything and everything and end up taking hundreds of photos and then share them on my website. My theory is that if you take enough photos a few are bound to come out GOOD! It's my way of remaining amateurish to the people that are sending compliments my way. I don't pretend to know what I'm doing - I just know what I like to see in a photograph and also love to experiement too. Digital makes that easier -

This movie has given me the spark I've needed to get this dream underway in a more formal fashion. So...I'm going to call a friend who took a photography class last year and ask her for the info and get this dream started!

Oh yeah...and this is another item for the bucket list...after checking off "take photography class."

* Upgrade photo website to professional level

Still Trying to Get to That Bucket List...

It's funny...I thought I had it all together back last year and was on my way to really making 2009 a great and accomplished year...whatever that means anymore. For the new year I found these really cute books at Starbucks that had wonderful quotes in them and a place for you to make lists and plans. I bought one for each of my kids and my husband (and myself) and gave them out on New Years Day. Everyone loved the books but they are now all sitting in various locations in the house and collecting dust. To say I'm disappointed would be a true statement but how can I be in others when my own book is in the trunk of my car.

However...I did have a start at the list. Late last year I told my husband that one of the things I wanted to do - at some point - was take a hot air balloon ride. This was just said in passing - nothing major. And it was weird...I told him this one night and it was a few night later that he came home and threw a business card on the kitchen table for hot air balloon rides!!! Turns out, someone he works with helps out with hot air balloon rides. So a the very least, we had made contact and knew where to go for this when we had the time to plan it...

So our anniversary was Jan 4th and it fell on a Sunday this year. The day turned out foggy and dreary and although it was just nice to be at home and relaxing after the Christmas rush, etc., what I didn't know was that my sweet husband was upset because he had planned to surprise me with - you guessed it - a hot air balloon ride that morning... We tried to reschedule the next week but the weather would not cooperate. But the third time was the charm and we got to go on the coldest Saturday I could remember. We dressed in ski clothes - many layers and headed out earlier than I had been up in ages.

And despite the cold and the early hour...it was one fun and exhilirating experience! The calm and quiet hovering over familiar sections of Birmingham were breathtaking. I almost forgot that we were hovering way up in the air in a large basket!!! Once we landed and got back to the departure point - to pick up our car - we celebrated a successful flight with a bottle of champagne courtesy of our pilot. A perfect 23rd wedding anniversary - even if it was a few weeks late!

So...while the Bucket List is not "officially" a list...I want to say I've gotten off to a great start with one of the items...and it was one that I didn't think would be first to be crossed off either!

The other big item on the list is storm chasing.....but not from a hot air balloon.