Repacking my bags...

...so I've decided to change the name of my blog from "Year of Living Stressfully" to "Repacking my bags...lightening my load for the journey ahead."

When I first started blogging "officially" - I had the need to put on "paper" the things that were going through my mind that were...well... stressing me out! I figured I could get it down on the blog, get it out of my head, and essentially lighten my load in that way. I does help... unloading your mind of the multitude of things that consume you every day.

Over the course of the past year and a half though, I began wondering if the blog title was something I really wanted to keep. I mean, some could say that "stress" is the new normal! I've heard and even said that many times lately. But the word "stress" is getting old, isn't it? I mean, it's like the word "busy." I really do loathe that word..."hey, I know you're BUSY but could you..." OR "my life is so busy right now I just can't breathe!" Busy, busy, busy!!! Isn't that the sound bees make??? Okay, I'm getting ridiculous now...I know...

The blog name change comes from me wanting to put a more positive light on what I want to do this year...put the important people/places/things in my bags and make the most of this journey I'm on. The focus should be on the journey, shouldn't it? As an adult, don't we know this? Should we be asking "are we there yet?" If we are asking that child-like question then we aren't enjoying the journey very much, are we? I hear people say things like "getting there is half the battle" and that the destination is the reward. I don't agree...I believe the journey is the reward...

I'm making a vow to enjoy the journey...even if my luggage doesn't match. 

Just call me grace...

It's amazing the number of thoughts that go through your head as you are falling. Last thing I remembered I was standing on the other side of the kitchen door - on the top of the basement steps - and the next thing I knew I was falling backwards....down 15 steps and hit the basement floor...HARD.

I stayed there, flat on my back, for what seemed like 20 minutes trying to decide if I was all in one piece. Was anything broken? Did I have a concussion? What about my neck and back? Broken? Cracked? I felt like I had just been in a gigantic dryer, spinning out of control and watching all the contents of my purse and briefcase flying through the air with me as I tumbled. I can still see it all as if in slow motion.

Nothing seemed to be bleeding so I tried to roll onto my knees and slowly get up. I decided I should make a phone call first. Since my son was still close to home - he had just left to take my daughter to school - I called him and asked him to come back home right away. I figured if I were to pass out or if something were more seriously wrong with me that he would get here before my husband could from downtown.

While I waited for Charlie to arrive, I managed to get up and eventually stand up. I made my way upstairs to survey the damage. Most of the bruising and pain I was feeling was on my left side. About this time Charlie came charging into the house and I heard him head straight for the basement. I called him upstairs to give me a hand. I had a bruise on my left leg from 5 days before while working in the garage. I noticed it was bigger or rather it appeared to be swelling. That worried me a bit. Plus the fact that I hit my head - all those stories about Natasha Richardson dying after hitting her head skiing went through my head... Then Charlie asked me "did you call dad?" I said I hadn't yet and he said "well if you don't call him right now I will!"

Now my sweet husband is one of those guys who reacts so calmly to situations like this. I mean, he keeps a clear head and asks the right questions and doesn't get hysterical or anything. I joke that he gets more upset by things like letting cookie slip out of his hand or getting all the way to the basement garage and realizing his keys are upstairs in the kitchen! True to form, he was calm and collcted and said I needed to go to the Urgent Care center and get checked out - have x-rays and make sure all was in order.

Charlie helped me pick up the contents of my purse and briefcase and he followed me to the Urgent Care center. I was hobbling along but not dizzy or anything which made me feel better about NOT having a concussion. Got the x-rays and went through a checkup with the doctor and found out I was fine - just very bruised and banged up. He prescribed pain meds and plenty of ice packs for all the bruising. What a relief...

I'm still puzzled at how exactly I wound up at the bottom of the stairs flat on my back. You know how sometimes when you start to fall you can feel yourself slip? I don't remember that. And sometimes you catch your foot on something and you start to stumble? That didn't happen. All I remember is falling straight back and flipping about one and a half times before hitting the floor. I joked with a few folks that I got a low score from the Russian judge. Guess my form wasn't quite good enough! I spent a lot of time laughing off the "tumble down the stairs" but the reality is...I was very lucky yesterday. It could have been so much worse.

I'm so grateful that it wasn't...

It's 2010....Bring It ON!

What is it about the apparent correlation between getting older and time going by more rapidly? I'm sure as I was "IN" 2009 and some of the stressful situations that I secretly "wished" away my life and hoped the situations would end quickly and pleasantly.

So now here we are at 2010...I didn't even think about it being the end of a decade until I saw a status post on facebook a few days ago. It was a little startling to me to read that status post because then I started wondering if I should be thinking about MAJOR goals for 2010 and how to go about setting them, etc. But WHOA!...isn't that just looking for trouble? I mean, I'm trying to reduce stress, right? Not set myself up for failure by creating more work, more resolutions, and more things to do that I don't really want to do, right?

I started reading a book that I've had for a year or so...it's called "Repacking Your Bags - How to Live with a New Sense of Purpose." Seemed an appropriate book to begin at the start of a new year - a new decade. I threw it in my travel bag on Saturday as hubby and I went away for our 24th anniversary. I was able to start reading the book while waiting for a massage the 2nd day of the trip. It's not a hard book to read and so I'm wondering why I didn't pick it up and read it earlier. Maybe I just wasn't ready to examine the extra burdens I've been carrying around and learn how to lighten my load. (That's actually a quote from someone who read the book that I'm borrowing...in the essence of full disclosure!)

But I think what attracted me to the book - as I was packing my 'bags" for my anniversary trip - is that it uses the metaphor of "baggage" to help remind you that life IS a journey! And your experience along the way is intimately bound up in the baggage - emotional, intellectual, and physical - that you are carrying. What we carry in our bags defines how we spend our time, and how we spend our time determines how we live and who we are. Hummm....

I know people use the quote "life is a journey" a lot and I've even used the line "enjoy the journey" - or "come along for the journey" to several people close to me in personal conversation to perhaps help them understand that you need to live in the moment and stop wondering what the next great "thing" or event will be. If you are constantly thinking about what is next, then you miss what is NOW.

This life is going by too quickly these days to NOT be doing the things that I love. I had already recognized that early last year but let other things/people/circumstances dictate what my year would be like. Toward the end of the year, I was determined to make that change. I did this in small ways, like during Thanksgiving, I refused to answer any work related/non-profit related emails. I was, after all, on vacation and you can't fully relax and disconnect if you are constantly checking emails! It was a good feeling and the world didn't end and no one died by my NOT answering them. So, the Christmas holiday/vacation was going to be another test of my resolve. I officially go back to work on Wednesday and while I did read a few emails from work today, the urge to immediately answer them wasn't pulling me. It was a good feeling...being in control...

So what has struck me as positive from this book so far? So far, it's the "formula" for a "good life" which is...

Living in the Place you belong,
with the People you Love,
doing the Right Work,
on Purpose.

Harmony is another way to define this. Since our journey is ever changing, the balance among place, love and work is always shifting too. At some stages we are more focused on work, sometimes we are more focused on our home (place) and so on.

What pulls all this together is "purpose." If you are able to define your sense of purpose - or for those of us who need this defined a little more bluntly - "the reason you get up in the morning" - then you can remained focused on where you want to go and discover new ways to get there.

Okay...so there you have it. I still have more of the book to read so who knows what else I'll discover or "rediscover" in all this. I do know one thing...I need to get upstairs right now and "unpack" my bags from my anniversary trip.

That seems like a good place to start...